cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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