Can Purell be used as lube?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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