Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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