i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it glows. i had to have it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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