Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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