Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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