JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
