At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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