I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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