Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
