im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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