Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
