i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
