dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
