So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
