Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
