OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
