i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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