i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
