And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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