Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
