This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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