i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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