I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
