I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
