ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
