areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
