I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar