matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant