Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
