The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
