My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So vagazzling was a success
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