i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
50% drunk capacity currently
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
