I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
