She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
