Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
