Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
