Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
