just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
