i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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