You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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