I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
