I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize