After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
