If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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