i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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