Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pooping to opera.
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