Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
