I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
