I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
