capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
