Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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