You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
