Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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