well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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