oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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