I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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