Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
