Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
