god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
