??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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