whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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