Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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