When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
