I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
