Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
