When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize