Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
