how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
two words: eviction party
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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